Cycles

It's hard to believe it's been almost two years since I've visited this tiny corner of the interwebs. I think I went from being genuinely too busy to post-or to too lazy to catch up- to ashamed at my lack of discipline towards something as simple as an online running diary. So I avoided this place and let the dust grow thicker every month.

Here it is, two winters later, and my story is where I left it. And I am back.
Ready to get into fighting shape and looking for a goal-both athletically and professionally.

There is too much to review in detail, but here is the long and short of it. Last year, I ran really well. I PR'd (on a short course, but still-it's in the books and the pace was PR quality) my 5k, my 10k, and was on track to PR the Houston half  when I pretty much tore my calf muscle.  I was in the best running shape of my life and running nearly 50 miles a week. It depressed me much more than I let on. It was a tiny heartbreak.
Over the course of a month I healed, and then rolled my ankle so badly that it stayed swollen for a month. That pretty much did it for me. I became wary of any sort of expectation or goal for running.

So after last spring I became a self-described 'spirit runner'. I just ran for fun. I continued weight lifting, ran to recover, reveled in good food and beer, vacationed in Colorado twice :), and just enjoyed the lack of pressure and accountability I often put on myself when it comes to maintaining fitness. I also stayed remarkably injury free.

I began working part time at my favorite pub, the Logon Cafe, in Beaumont Texas. The good beer, my friend (and owner) Ed, the vibrant clientele, and  beautiful food chef Monica Cobb created every Thursday and Friday created a fun and stimulating work environment. I loved it.

However, a lot of energy went into the job. Lots of time away from my family. It became difficult to achieve a sense of balance between work and not-work. I began to feel disconnected from myself. I slowly realized that working hard is a concept that I am very capable of adapting to, but that amount of my energy could (and should) be directed at a purpose that I am more passionate about fulfilling. If my time with my family is to be cut into, it needs to be for something that in some way creates.  I am very lucky to be able to make this kind of choice, and I appreciate it completely.

So I left the pub, and stand here with the goal of pursuing fitness as a means of generating income, but more importantly, generating health and happiness and that amazing feeling of fulfillment that comes from setting a fitness-related goal and realizing it.
The credential I am looking to obtain, and how I intend to use it is still in question for me. The seed has been planted, and I am patiently going to water it and move it into the sun.

While that is simmering, I am working on training myself. I have been running with purpose for about four weeks. I am starting to feel stronger. I need to lose a couple of pounds from my summer of YOLO, but I am confident I can return to the level of fitness I was at last year when I tore my calf.

This is my new beginning. I'm sure it won't be my last. That's the beauty of growing older, and wiser. You develop patience with yourself, and begin to truly understand that the cycles of life repeat. We are constantly born again. Spiritually, physically, and emotionally. To try to use each new beginning as an opportunity, and to look at it as a hopeful new start is to have learned well from the last one.